I will never be a country music singer (which really is a shame, I have a great name for it). I will never be a size 4. I will never get my PhD. And I will never carry a pregnancy 40 weeks and give birth to a healthy baby.
There is a quote I saw recently that goes something like this: “At the end of your life, it will matter how gracefully you let go of things not meant for you.” Hmm. Letting go of things not meant for me. Things desperately wanted. Things prayed for. Good things that are godly and righteous. Things that, though given to others, just aren’t within the perfectness that is God’s will for my life.
You mean letting go of those things? With grace. Wince. I ain’t good at that.
I need to be better. Tucker has taught me a great deal about being present. About relishing in the goodness and triumphs of today. But I need to be better. Better at letting go of expectations. I need to be better at being ok with those things for which I fervently begged, and God gently said, “No”. And I need to be better at being truly joyful for the people in my life for whom the same request was offered up and the answer was “Yes.”
In letting go with grace, those things that just aren’t in the cards for me, I hope I’ll find more peace. I hope I’ll find more joy in the present. I know I will see more clearly the plan perfectly crafted for my life. For Tucker’s life. I will find the perfectness that God intended when he didn’t give me that thing for which I prayed ceaselessly for. I will find purpose in my circumstance.
I love this blog post by a fellow preemie mom friend. She and another mom tackle a very difficult, yet very real topic for preemie parents in their post, ” When Your Preemie Doesn’t Defy the Odds“. They have amazing kids. Pierce and Bella started out very much like Tucker- at the edge of viability. Their paths though, took some different turns as they journeyed through preemie-ness. The kind of turns we prayed wouldn’t happen for Tucker, happened for them. And they didn’t pray any less fervently. They pleaded on bended knee as often and as humbly and as faithfully as we did. Yet their road has been much harder.
I had been wanting to post about this topic for a few weeks but couldn’t find the right words. I had started it several different times and it just wasn’t working. It wasn’t coming together. Turns out, it just wasn’t my post to write. It was their’s. Lindsay and Becky’s post isn’t just for preemie moms (but it is a good one, Preemie Nation), it’s really for any of us who have ever struggled with the plan going in a different direction. And how to let go, with grace.
“Three times I pleaded with the Lord about this, that it should leave me. But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” 2 Corinthians 12:8