I knew. In my heart (the one that was beating out of my chest) I knew. It was when she didn't turn on the TV immediately that I began to hold my breath. She was supposed to turn it on so we could see. But when she didn't, I knew there was a problem. We had been there two weeks earlier and the ultrasound technician had almost immediately turned on the TV. The screen lit up with a tiny blob, and more importantly she pointed out a smaller visibly pulsating...heart. It was beating happily, the ... View the Post
Statistics of a Preemie Playdate
Statistics. I took one course of Elementary Statistics in college and barely passed. Most days the words coming out of the professor's mouth, while clearly the English language, did not come together in my brain as anything comprehensible. The scientific process by which you gather, analyze, interpret and present credible quantifiable data? Not my thing. I've told you before, Darrin does the math in this family. But in a medical crisis, statistics mean everything. Don't they? A few weekends ... View the Post
Most Popular Post Ever
I am privileged to be a contributor for a group called Preemie Babies 101. The site is meant to connect and support anyone who has had a preemie, at any gestation. I write for them about once every 2 months along with some other, very talented writers. My most recent article was posted yesterday and with our full day, I didn't have time to take a look. When I got home last night around midnight I had a note from the founder of Preemie Babies 101 telling me the article had taken off, that it had ... View the Post
Letting Go. With Grace.
I will never be a country music singer (which really is a shame, I have a great name for it). I will never be a size 4. I will never get my PhD. And I will never carry a pregnancy 40 weeks and give birth to a healthy baby. There is a quote I saw recently that goes something like this: "At the end of your life, it will matter how gracefully you let go of things not meant for you." Hmm. Letting go of things not meant for me. Things desperately wanted. Things prayed for. Good things that are ... View the Post
Room 211
The day after Tucker was born, we were sitting in our hospital room, my discharge only days away, and we were trying to figure out where we were going to stay. With traffic, it would take us a little under an hour to get to the hospital each day. I already hated being even 1 floor away from Tucker. Our plan was to call local hotels near the hospital and plead our case, explain our situation and hope they would give us a discount on a rate. Then there was a knock at the door. The NICU social ... View the Post
Crying in the bathroom
There is a great writer, Shana Niequist (http://www.shaunaniequist.com/), who in her book, Bittersweet, writes a chapter about crying in the bathroom. There are two different reasons women are found crying in the bathroom. One woman is crying because there is a second line on the pregnancy test stick. The other is crying because there is not. I belonged in that second group. It is a lonely, highly sensitive road, the road of infertility. One you never, ever wanted to travel. And one for which ... View the Post